Love Letter No. 1
Friday, January 23rd 2014
There is so much I’ve been wanting to say to you, but I find letters seem to last longer. These letters will contain the things my heart so deeply wants to share with you. I am also choosing to write to you because I’m not sure how much more time I’ll be granted in this lifetime or how many more people I will be able to reach, so someday when I am gone, my friends, their sons and daughters might find some of the words in these letters to be encouraging and bring comfort.
I came here for a very specific mission, and when that mission is done, It will be time for me to transition to whatever’s next. I am very focused right now on making every moment and every encounter count. I have no more time to waste. I have wasted my breathe and many words once or twice before on people who couldn’t hear me. People who did not value me or anything I had to say unless I served a very specific purpose to them. What most of them didn’t recognize at the time is that I was allowing myself to be used. Yes, I could’ve done without their deception and manipulation, but those are the tools some people learn to use to get what they want. A conscious person cannot be used without their consent. “Let Him use you” I hear sister Brown saying from the pews. “Let Him use you.” Let the life you live be used for the unfolding of peace and understanding, then return to the shipyards where souls are repaired and built.
On one hand, there is the very real fact that although being used by a divine power can be exhilarating, being used by not so divine people can be annoying and painful. To this I say, life can be both annoying and painful at any given moment. These situations will tell you more about yourself than they will about anything or anyone else if you pay close attention. Why are you so annoyed? Where does it hurt and why? What are you afraid of?
There is a quickening in the pace of change when you let go of fear. This I know because over the years there have been several people, places and things that I’ve experienced the sensation of fear around, and when I let them go, or faced the challenge they presented, like a key, I was granted access to the next level in my life. I would not be who I am today had it not been for the friendships and the relationships, the “Good” and the “Bad” people in my life who revealed to me more of myself, and my mission. But as one of my friends would say, “People come into your life, for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” Seasons are sometimes short, and a lifetime of anything is not guaranteed, but I do believe that there is always reason. And when it’s time, we will outgrow, people who do not have the capacity to live and love with us authentically. You will never be able to grow if you stay rooted in infertile soil.
My father would always tell me, “Be aware of your surroundings”. At the time, it seemed like just a normal parental piece of advice telling me to be safe, but it is the one of the best pieces of advice he has given me among many many lessons he has imparted to me. Look around you. Do the people, places and things around you support your growth? In any given interaction we have an opportunity to learn and offer something. As you go about your day today, quietly think to yourself, “What do I have to learn or offer in this moment.” Asking yourself these questions will foster a focus on you that is informed by the external world but not controlled by it.